Why are Christians so afraid of the apocalypse? Of Armageddon?
The other day James Dobson’s Focus On the Family sent out some mailers that said if Obama was elected, that would be the beginning of Armageddon.
It was titled “Letter From 2012 in Obama’s America.” And it was basically saying the entire world as we know it is coming to an end. I took a cursory glance at it, (it isn’t really worth reading), but I was thinking…every time a politician is elected (or is trying to get elected) some religious nut warns everyone that this person is the herald of all doom.
My answer is: If you’re a Christian, and believe in that stuff, so what?
Just a thought here, but doesn’t the big Armageddon battle thingy signal the coming of Jesus? Isn’t that what you’re looking for to happen?
But here’s what I think. I think that religious people, deep down know that it’s all a bunch of crap, and that they are deeply afraid of dying, because in the end, it will simply be that. The End. No afterlife, no paradise, no nothing. Simply black, and you cease to exist, you will rot, and most likely, within a 50 year time span anyone that ever knew you will most likely be dead too. You will be a simple photograph in a pile of similar photos that some grandkid, or great grandkid has inherited, someone will look at it and say, “Who’s that with aunt Millie?”
“Hmm. Not sure. Oh well, let’s get some pizza.”
Friday, October 31, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
We Got Death Star!
Death Star:
By Michael Reaves and Steve Perry.
A Running Review.
I first heard of this book when the Science Fiction Book Club sent me one of their catalogs. I saw the title of the book and thought, “yeah, that might be fun.” At first I was just going to go and buy the book, but it was only in hardcover, and I will only buy hardcover books from one author, Kim Stanley Robinson, and these days, as much as I love his work, I’ve stopped that as well.
So forget buying it. Then I got a gift certificate, and thought, “it won’t really cost me money,” but threw that thought away quickly as well. After all, if it wasn’t a good book then that would sully the gift I was given, so that was out.
Then one day I thought of the library, and yep, they had it. So cool.
Now normally I don’t read tie-in novels. Generally they are not good. When I was a younger man, I read a lot of Star Trek novels; I was in the navy, and they were quick reads. But in the 20 or so that I read, I could only recommend a handful. If you want to read good Star Trek novels, then track down the following.
Strangers from the Sky
Spock’s World
Double Double
Final Frontier
The Final Reflection (By the way, the best of all listed, and the greatest, if not first, treatment of Klingons as a species. Fantastic!)
Dreadnought
All but one of these titles I have remembered from memory, and it’s been almost 20 years (and more than 20 years in some a few cases) since I’ve read these. If you want well written, and entertaining tie-in for Star Trek, these are the ones you want to read.
My main problem with tie-in novels is that they are remarkably unreliable in their entertainment value. Some may be good, while others make you scratch your head and wonder how it was that the person writing the book ever got the assignment.
Generally, tie-in novels have three types of authors:
Typists that really like the “universe,” and gee wiz, just want to be a part of it.
Writers of midland talent that really like the “universe,” and think they have a good story to tell. (These are basically the best of the three types).
Writers of moderate to good talent that are fans of the show, and want to squeeze in every page, every detail of the show, just to prove they’ve watched the show. In doing so, they tend to hold on to the silliest of characters tics, and use them as devices throughout the book. For a great example of this, read Alien Nation: Day of Decent. It’s a prequel to the television series tracking the characters in the weeks and months prior to and just after the newcomer landings in California. Overall, not too bad a book, but the authors took silly things that were probably one-off items by the actors and made them “character traits.” I hate that. This type of author is the worst of the three.
These are generalizations, as there are many shades of gray between them, but in my reading Star Trek, Star Wars, Alien Nation, Executioner, and Destroyer novels, (I know the last 2 aren’t tie-ins, but they are “shared” universes, so close enough), these generalizations hold up.
So, Death Star? What would this be, where would these writers fall in the scale? I didn’t know when I started the book, but by the end of the book, I realized they were a combination of one and three. Not really writers, (more like typists), that watched Star Wars (IV) and/or had a script, but tended to grab all the wrong information and make that wrong information into the character. See below for my own personal gripes, and a few things that I did like.
I thought it would be fun to write down my thoughts as I had them, (what I would call a running review).
Page 160:
Here’s where I started writing, about page 160, and let me share the impressions I have at this juncture.
First, it’s not a good book. Not that it’s not particularly well written, (which it isn’t) but that there seems to be nothing interesting in it.
We’re introduced to several characters.
A bartender and her bouncer
An escaped criminal posing as a contractor
A gunnery CPO (who will fire the weapon)
A stormtrooper (with a philosophical bent)
Governor Tarkin
His Lover
Admiral Motti (Station Commander)
A librarian (or archivist) with no love of “central government” the empire, or his role within it.
A TIE fighter commander.
A conscripted imperial doctor.
A political prisoner / engineer on the Death Star.
But given this, here’s what I hope will happen.
Somehow the librarian will find the plans to the Death Star, the political prisoner / engineer will understand their importance, and somehow use the criminal as a go-between to get the plans off of the station. Somehow or another the bartender and her very intelligent street savvy bouncer, will be instrumental with either getting the plans off the station, or ensuring the rebels will get their hands on it.
Our military folk will have some various roles to play in conjunction with the movie itself. Our Gunner will be pulling the trigger on Alderaan, our TIE fighter will be Vader’s wingman at the end during the battle, maybe even the guy that panics and knocks Vader out of the trench. Or he’ll be one of the fighters taken out by Han and Luke in the escape from the Death Star. The stormtrooper will be killed during Han, Luke, Leia, and Chewie’s escape from the Death Star. I don’t know what they are trying to give us with the doctor, but it’s early.
Here’s what we know about the Death Star. It’s big. Very Big, huge, gigantic, enormous, overwhelming. Big. We’re told this over and over again. Sometimes twice on the same page.
And were told things about the characters that we’ve been told before. The Archivist is “very good” at what he does. The bouncer is some sort of contradiction in appearance and ability, “a big guy that looks like a doofus, but is rather intelligent and savvy.” The stormtrooper is a master at some sort of martial art and doesn’t like to be out of control, and he reads philosophy. The TIE commander is real good. Really very good. Good, can hold his own. Did we mention that he’s good? Pity he’s going to get scragged being Vader’s wingman at the battle for Yavin. The bartender likes “bad boys” and is “looking for love,” blah. The doctor doesn’t want to be in the military, he’s there on a stop/loss program.
The impression we get of Tarkin, who in my opinion should have been the central focus of the book is that he’s simply a mustache twirling villain. It’s as if the writers wrote down every word uttered by Peter Cushing in Star Wars and decided that was all there was to the character. We find that there is a “Tarkin Doctrine.” The Tarkin Doctrine is simple, “Rule by fear!” Or if I may quote:
“How will the emperor maintain order without the bureaucracy?”
“The regional governors now have control of their territories, fear will keep the local systems in line. Fear of the battle station!”
So fear. That’s all that Tarkin has. Oh, and to give him some “humanity” he likes to have sex with a hot female admiral. At Page 160, I’m thinking that somewhere down the line we’re going to find out that he likes kinky sex; you know, something with pain involved, or something.
In the Star Wars Radio Play, I remember Admiral Motti, (station commander) suggesting to Tarkin that they should maybe overthrow the emperor since they had a weapon that could render the imperial capital to dust. I thought it was interesting. The authors do the same thing here as well. Motti is a schemer that wants to be in power. Or at least the man behind the power. It seems that Motti doesn’t understand that he’s basically the number three man out there. But then again, we aren’t given a chance to see any of this.
Tarkin is given the title of Grand Moff. While every character gives deference to this title, and the man, everyone looks at it with contempt. But we are never told (at this point) why everyone thinks the title is silly.
Of the imperial officers (Pilot, stormtrooper, gunner, doctor) we get the “human” face of the empire. Each man is given a very brief backstory that reads (except for the doctor), “He joined the military.” The pilot wastes some escaping prisoners, and has nightmares about it. The stormtrooper is a philosophical type, and rationalizes his duties, but is a loyalist and wants to use his skills in combat to fight the rebels. The doctor joined during the clone wars (20 years ago), and has been conscripted to sticking around because of “the war.” The gunner doesn’t seem to have much of a problem with his service, but is distrustful of engineers. For as little as we’re told about these men, they are the best written characters in the book so far. But that’s not saying much.
The Thief, The Bartender and her Bouncer…who cares. I’m not sure at this point what they have to do with anything. I figured by page 100 that they were the means of getting the Death Star Plans off the station and into the hands of the rebels, but 60 pages later the Archivist finds the plans sitting in some dusty corner of what passes for shared drives on the station, and secrets them away in a special file elsewhere for use to either blackmail or “write a book.” Yes, write a book. So he’s now the first suspect.
There’s also a political prisoner that has been conscripted to work on the Death Star. She’s conveniently putting together rooms, moving things around in plans, and mentions how silly it is to put thermal exhaust ports near main ports. Yes, that’s what she said. She’s anti-Palpatine, but working on the station as slave labor, is better than ending up dead on some prison planet, all because she (and I’m not making this up) “Backed the wrong candidate.” That’s the thing we hear about her over and over again.
At this point, I’m overly disappointed. At first I was thinking of this book as “9/11 allegory,” with the Death Star sitting in for the World Trade Center, but that fell apart soon after that, because the writers weren’t clever enough to pull that off.
What we should have gotten was a historical novel about Tarkin, his rise through the ranks, his loyalty to the emperor, his vision of a more orderly universe, how he picked the men that were with him, (like Motti). Instead we get a top hated man in black that shouts “curses foiled again.”
We have a political prisoner, but get no glimpse into the politics of the empire. There is still a senate, and obviously those that don’t toe the government line are disposed of, and their supporters tossed onto a prison planet where you have no chance for parole. We have several loyalist soldiers and officers with no inkling as to why they are in the military. Not even a “I wanted to see the galaxy,” which is just as good excuse as any.
Oh, and Vader is on board every now and again too. He’s little more than a placeholder who 20 years later is still harboring hatred against Obi-Wan Kenobi. The explanations are about as clear as those that informed the character in “Revenge of the Sith.” So much more could have been done with this. As Lucas really liked the character, he could have so much complexity behind him. But we’re just give, “The pain fed the hatred, and that fed the power of the dark side.”
I always liked to think of Vader as a religious fanatic. “The power to destroy a planet is insignificant compared to the power of the force.” Great line. It reminds me of some of those kooks out there that makes everything about religion, and how the power granted them by god will make all things right. Instead, it’s just “pain leads to suffering, leads to envy, leads to…ah who cares.”
Page 175:
One thing I do like, is that the writers are trying to give the main weapon of the Death Star weight. They mention that it should take x amount of time to fire the weapon from the moment the order is given, and that the gunners chief is putting his men through drills. I like that for a couple of reasons: One, is that its soooo military, and another that it builds into a rationalization as to why it takes so long for the Death Star to fire on Yavin IV when Tarkin gives the order “You may fire when ready.”
Page 177:
Why are the freaking chapters so short? It goes to show that writers these days are more inspired by television or bad film than by well written material. As an example we have a chapter where the thief goes into a bar, meets a good looking girl, and that’s it. That’s all. I understand that this was the “meeting point” for whatever is going to go one for the rest of the novel, but it could have been done all in one chapter along with his arrival at the station, setting himself up in a disguise as a contractor, winning money by gambling and pick pocketing, etc. And we could have learned more about the character. As it is right now, he’s the “hooker with the heart of gold.” For myself, I hope he’s on the damn thing when it goes up!
Why are there aliens in the Imperial Navy? I know that those horrible books by Timothy Zahn had an admiral that was an alien (some blue faced thing)…Admiral Thrawn, which I thought was ludicrous back then. Reeves and Perry continue the tradition. I’m not saying that it isn’t possible, but if you go by the movies there isn’t an alien to be found in the ranks of the navy or army. If the empire was all about “order” and “sameness” then you could think of them as the Nazi’s against all other, and the aliens that permeated the ranks of the Rebel Alliance as the “jews” or “Americans”, etc. Which was an association I really liked, so much so, that were I writing one of these books, there would be no aliens in the Imperial Military.
If you read the novelization of Revenge of the Sith, and once you get by the turgid, purple prose, the author gave Count Dooku a fantastic backstory where he was basically a bigot! Didn’t like aliens at all, thought they were worthless. That made a good amount of sense. Sure he worked with alien species, but as a Sith Lord, knew the full story, that they were just the fodder in the cannon in order to bring a new order, a HUMAN order to the universe. Which fell into line with episodes IV, V, VI. Humans = Imperial, Aliens = dog faced underdogs, and other oppressed peoples; blacks, jews, asians, gypsies, eskimos, etc..
Between page 199 and 207
I’m no architect and I know nothing about it, but it seems to me almost impossible that one could change the plans of something so large, massive and complex as the Death Star without fouling up a lot of stuff. Moving heat exchangers, conduits, air processor; doesn’t that stuff affect other things on the station? Playing with tinker toys, legos, and Lincoln logs in my youth, I came to realize that when I was in the middle of a project and wanted to either add or subtract something, that tended to change EVERYTHING. Maybe it’s a quibble.
I know it’s ironic that I am repeating myself about the authors repeating themselves all throughout the book, but it seems that every three pages we’re reminded there’s a war on. And I don’t remember the crawl exactly from Star Wars but If I remember right, the Rebels had been around and “Won their first victory over the evil galactic empire.” Given that in this book they wasted one star destroyer through sabotage, I would have to say that was a rather substantial victory.
There are 2 characters that seem to have Jedi-like powers. One, the architect/political prisoner keeps Darth Vader out of her head. Phuleezz! And a stormtrooper/security guard, has a thing called a “blink,” basically he can see things just before they happen, making him the Bruce Lee of the universe. I was displeased with these things, but hey, it is the Star Wars universe, I might as well be mad at Tolkien for having annoying elves in the Lord of the Rings. But GOD DAMN George Lucas for Midi-Chlorians!
If you need no other proof that George Lucas didn’t bother to watch his own movies before he set out with the prequels, Midi-Chlorians are it! Ben Kenobi says to Luke, “The force is what gives a Jedi his power, it’s an energy field created by all living things, it surrounds us, penetrates us, it binds the galaxy together.” Hey, not bad, all from memory. I need a life!
Then Yoda, in The Empire Strikes Back says (and I’m going to paraphrase this), “The force is everywhere, between the tree and the rock, you and me, even between the land and the ship. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter!” All this tells me that the force is something that can be manipulated, provided you study enough, (a zen like thing) and are attuned toward the cosmos, (a possible spiritual thing – not “possible” really, but actually a spiritual thing). And then George brings us the little things that are in our cells that help us listen to the force. Sigh. Now being a Jedi isn’t something that can be achieved through discipline, or spirituality, but it’s a literal physical thing. Luminous indeed. (I believe it was David Brin, complaining about Star Wars, that said “Heroes are apparently born, not made.” I agree with him. Stupid stupid stupid.)
Oh…and there’s a war on.
Another thing I hate is that this is a Battle Station. A BATTLE STATION. But the authors are treating it as though it’s a military complex (like the Pentagon, or a naval base, or other military base.) Which would be populated by civilians and set up for the comfort of those that inhabit it. For instance, there are pubs. On a base, yes, I get it, but again, BATTLE STATION. Our thief, seeing a guard he knows, ducks into a Fredrick’s of Hollywood to escape attention. Okay, it wasn’t Fredrick’s of Hollywood…call it Vonflesh’s of Acronor, I don’t know. It just seems kind of silly to have a lingerie shop on a BATTLE STATION.
Also, in six movies, I don’t think I ever saw one female serving officer. The Empire seemed a bit boys-clubish. I’ve already said that I don’t believe aliens should have been allowed, (as we never saw any – except of course for Bounty Hunters in Empire, and let’s face it, Bounty Hunters are pretty much scum. That makes sense for the Empire. Scum get to do the dirty work). I don’t recall any females either. So, call me sexist, but none at all. That’s not to say it isn’t possible, but I find it silly that the authors decided to place 21st century Terran mores in the empire, which seemed to me pretty cut and dried. Don’t believe me? See any female clones? Hear any female storm troopers? I think there was one rebel pilot in Return of the Jedi, that was female if memory serves. Again, we have proof of the “oppressed” against the great machine.
There’s also a “park” on level 9. A Park. If you can’t picture it already, yes, I’m shaking my head. I understand the need for living breathing plants to be on board, it certainly would help with scrubbing carbon dioxide, but they made specific mention that it was a park. I would think a farm would be better for a battle station, but again, the authors are treating this as less a battle station as a moving base. Okay, it’s a quibble, but still, it’s valid, I think.
Page 270ish
In Star Wars (IV) we are given the impression that the rebels, while apparently influential politically, were pretty much a small band of folk. When Leia gets to Yavin IV, and they decide to attack the Death Star, they only send 30 X and Y wings, and the rest of the command structure of the alliance stayed on the moon, though devastation was only minutes away. So it was the David vs. Goliath, thousands against few. It gave us something to believe in; the underdog against the authoritarian. And when the rebels won, they all cheered and celebrated. And though at the very end, we saw several hundred men (all uniformed) watching Luke and Han get their medals, we got a small taste of the scale of the alliance.
But somewhere between page 200 and 270, we are treated to “the first attack” on the Death Star, which consists of a Federation Carrier, and 1000 X-Wings. One Thousand. More than 30 times the amount of fighters the rebels throw at the battle station in the movie. And, by the way, without any kind of plan. They launch and do a massive assault that is stopped dead by one firing of the superlaser, and then several thousand TIE fighters clean up the mess. The Rebel pilots, so desperate to throw themselves at the station, don’t even fight back, and as a result, they are wiped out to a man.
So? You ask. Well, consider this line from the movie. And I’ll quote it verbatim, because the book gives us this exact quote:
General Tagge: “Until this battle station is fully operational, we are vunerable. The Rebel Alliance is too well equipped. They are more dangerous than you realize.”
Admiral Motti: “Dangerous to your star fleet, Commander, not to this battle station.
Now, in the movie, this exchange is about…oh a couple of seconds. And in the book it’s still a couple of seconds, but in between is this little ditty, that I will quote sparingly:
‘Motti could have point out that the vaunted Rebel Alliance had sent a huge carrier against the station and that unfortunate vessel had been blown out of existence by a single, low powered pulse of the not yet fully operational Death Star’s main battery…’
This is one of those moments when you realize the authors…well, they’re not good. After my ellipse, we are treated to yet another quick recap of the specifics of the scene, how far away the ship was, and then what happened right after that. All this by the way, took place only about 10 pages before. But again, the authors (I can’t believe it took two people to write this) repeat themselves yet again, forcing me to repeat that they’ve repeated themselves.
So this is yet another one of those things where the authors ignore the standing convention, or try to force their square pegs into triangular holes.
On a different note, the doctor character keeps thinking of a Jedi from days past named Barris Offee. I’ve heard/seen the name around – clone wars Jedi or something. The characters interactions with the Jedi are given fewer lines in the book than it takes for this paragraph. And I couldn’t help but wonder why even mention her at all? And it struck me today, when reading the dust cover…these two guys wrote a book(s?) about battle medics in the Clone Wars. This guy was probably one of their favorite characters and they are trying to tie in their novels with this. Not a very good try, as this book barely passes inspection. I have no confidence to read anything more from them.
Also, Tarkin’s lover. She’s shuffled off stage with an injury. Never (probably) to be heard from again, since by this time in the book, the princess is in custody, the Imperial Senate has been dissolved, etc. Only about 45 minutes to go before the Death Star is blown up…uh…more or less. But the point here is, nothing is really made of it. She comes into the story, to show that Tarkin is really a “man” because he likes sex with younger women. Hey who doesn’t? That hardly makes him sympathetic. Here’s what could have made him more sympathetic. Imagine, that for at least the past 200 pages he was set to be the governor of this obviously awesomely destructive weapon. As one character had thought, “They will never use it…maybe blow up a small moon to demonstrate, and that will be it. No one would dare…blah.” So imagine, Tarkin was like the Oppenheimer of this project. He knows what it can do, and the very theory of it not only excites him but frightens him. “Fear will keep the local systems in line…fear of this battle station.” Yes, he thinks, fear. Blow up a small moon with the media there, and all to see, and we will never have problems again. Make Tarkin reluctant to use it. Make him fully understand that he wields power that maybe shouldn’t be used. I’m sure there was much trepidation in the White House and Kermlin during the cold war with M.A.D. As President Merkin Muffley says in Dr. Strangelove, “I will not go down in history as the biggest mass murderer since Hitler.”
Think of Tarkin, standing there on the bridge watching this “First” assault on his station. “They can’t succeed,” he would think to himself. “But I will never use this weapon arbitrarily. I don’t want to be known as the biggest mass murder since General Grievous.” I’m sure Grievous’ reputation in the galaxy is that of Hitler’s here on Earth. So Tarkin doesn’t want to use it. Then his lover is injured…nay, killed, that is even better, during this first assault. Then when Vader tells him, “Her restistance to the mind probe is considerable, it will be some time before we can extract any information from her,” when talking about Leia. Tarkin then says in the movie, “Perhaps she will react to an alternate form of persuasion, set your course for Alderaan.”
Now, Tarkin is thinking to himself. “I didn’t want to use this, but (insert lover’s name here, as I don’t want to look it up), is dead, and I loved her more than life. This insurrection, this rebellion, this war, it will all be over. One, perhaps two swift strokes and all this war…all this death will be over.” Now it would make him a bit more sympathetic; a man driven to the point of using a weapon of such destructive power, instead of a monster.
I mean, sure, if you wanted to write something good. If you wanted to show characters that are human, and perhaps questioning their roles in the Empire, and the use of force, and war. You could do all of that. It you told a different story. Instead we get a lot of placeholders that have little motivation than to “put a human face” on the Empire, guys and gals that 270 pages in, are likely to be dead when Luke does his thing, and good riddance to them. I have no emotional investment in them.
So Tarkin’s lover is brought on stage, then given nothing to do, shuffled off, like a cameo appearance in a film. …Grand Moff Tarkin’s lover is played by Julia Roberts… She walks on, gives her three lines and then moves off. Julia Roberts fans, that have shelled out money to see this movie are angry, “They didn’t give her anything to do!” They rail. “She contributed nothing to the story,” they say again and again. And that’s pretty much Grand Moff Tarkin’s lover, ladies and gentlemen.
Other characters, the bartender, the thief, her bouncer and the librarian, are not even remotely involved in anything other than parroting information we already know. I figured, hey, these are the people that will sneak plans of the station, or something, but no joy. The librarian downloaded the plans for his “book” and the rebels broke into that computer and sole them. We are, by the way, not even given a scene where the librarian is told that his stuff had been broken into. Especially after we were treated to at least one, if not two paragraphs on how good a encrypter/stealthy manipulator, he is. No… from the time he sends the plans to the planet, to the moment the Death Star destroys the prison planet they are orbiting, we hear nothing from him. Once the Death Star destroys the planet (it takes three shots…reminding me of Mr. Owl. “Mr. Owl, how many shots does it take to get to the center of a prison planet?” “A one…a two…a three. A three.”) we are treated to him in a cantina, sucking down a drink thinking how insane it is to use the weapon, then the chapter ends.
To be frank, when they mentioned his name, I actually had to go to the front of the book, where the Dramatis Personae were listed and find his name on the list. It had been that long since we last heard from him.
Page 294
And it was here that it hit me. Have you ever seen the original 1954 Godzilla movie? The one with Raymond Burr? If you didn’t already know, what they did was take the original Japanese film, and then inserted Raymond Burr and a Japanese actor in with him to “translate” what was going on. Burr had no interaction with the actual cast, though they did do a moderately convincing job of having him interact with a character or two. When you’re 8 years old, you don’t see the seams, but when you’re 40, they scream out at you. That’s exactly what this is. Our guard character, Nova Stihl is the guard outside of Tarkin and Vader’s conference room when they’re talking about how Leia lied to them. And it is here, where our character (probably the best one) decides that when his tour is up, he’s leaving. Destroying Alderaan was the straw that broke his particular back. And my picture of the man changed from whatever he looked like in my head, to a young Raymond Burr.
Page 296
Far too late in my opinion, they have their archivist character, disgusted by the destruction of Alderaan, begin looking for weaknesses in the battle station design. By the way, all of the “made up” characters are disgusted, disturbed, or confused about their feelings when it comes to this particular atrocity. Meanwhile, Luke, Han, and Chewbacca are running amok on the station.
Page 303
How convenient that every “made up” character happen to gather in the cantina at the same time. All rather cheesed off at Tarkin for killing a few billion people for no discernable reason. How convenient that they all want out at the same time. Pilot, guard, (who by the way is “force sensitive” ugh!), bouncer, thief, archivist, bartender…all want out. The only one missing is the guy that pulled the trigger, and he’s suffering from a crisis of conscience too (he’s the second best character in the book – again, not saying much, but I’m trying to find positives here). How convenient, that the archivist happens to have all the codes to take a shuttle, turn off all the tractor beams, grant the access so they aren’t blown out of the sky, blah blah blah.
Page 316
If there weren’t 46 pages to go, I’d stop. Let me just say, that given where I’m pretty sure the book is going from this point…all the made up characters are going to get off the station, all will survive, save for the gunner, who will in all likelihood be vaporized with Tarkin, Motti, and the rest. None, and I mean NONE of the made up characters have contributed to the story in any fashion. Not. At. All. Had I known this, I would have just watched Star Wars (IV) over again. For myself, I hope they all vaporize with the Death Star, but I doubt that. It would have been better had my original suspicions been confirmed about the role these people would have played. But…oh well.
330ish
I was thinking – In the movie, Tarkin and Vader have a relationship of some sort. First with Tarkin’s insistence that Vader “release him (Motti).” It was an order. “As you wish,” which I don’t think means “I love you,” (for you farm boy lovers out there), didn’t exactly show deference or respect, but if you’re Darth Vader, why take orders from Tarkin? Because the Emperor said so? Maybe. But then we’re treated to this little ditty. “Governer Tarkin,” Princess Leia greets, “I should have expected it was you holding Vader’s leash. I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.” So that, in my opinion, gives us a little more information into the characters and their lives. Obviously Leia knows this man, that much is evident. I like to think of political dinners given at the capital, Tarkin spouting off against everything Leia holds dear. Maybe he’s seen action and was in charge of something like a My Lai Massacre or something. Abu Gharaib, maybe. I like the idea that they had a social life of some sort. He’s “holding” Vader, and that means power. Maybe this guy outranks Vader? Even if Vader isn’t in the military. But then we get this. “He is here,” Vader says. “Obi-wan Kenobi? Surly, you’re mistaken?” Now that tells you something. If for no other reason, the emphasis on HE. It’s a simple declarative statement, and Tarkin knew exactly what Vader was talking about. It bring up visions of Vader and Tarkin, talking to one another, maybe over “drinks.”
But here’s what rubs my rhubarb raw. Throughout the book, Tarkin and Vader are professionally acquainted. There are a couple of times where there seems to be some question as to whether or not Vader is/was a Jedi. Tarkin, (if I remember correctly) seems to know that he’s Anakin Skywalker. Okay, no problem, but there’s still the whole questioning of The Force in Tarkin’s mind, and… a lot of other stuff that just doesn’t make sense that when Vader says “HE” is here, that Tarkin would know right off the top of his head that HE is Obi-Wan Kenobi. So again, compelling story elements either totally ignored, or forgotten, or it’s more like, that the writers just aren’t clever.
Page 339
The “great escape” is happening. I’m sure everyone will get off the station in time. Funny, how the architect, a political prisoner, suddenly becomes “attached” to the Death Star when she realizes exactly what the Rebels are going to do. I liked that her first instinct was to tell someone about the vulnerability. I thought of Alec Guiness in Bridge Over the River Kwai, when he tries to stop the sabotage of his bridge, only to realize, far too late, what he had been doing. I thought, “Yes!” this is that moment. She’ll try and tell everyone. In a few pages someone will come up to Tarkin and say “We’ve analyzed their attack, and there is a danger, should I have your ship standing by?”
“Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.”
Then…the architect says to herself. “Fuck this, I’m out of here,” at just about the time the ghost of Ben Kenobi says, “Luke, trust your feelings.”
Three minutes later, while enroute, our architect; no friend of the Empire, not a sympathizer, appalled at the destruction of Alderaan, but attached to the station, and the friends and people she worked with is vaporized. There’s your 9/11 allegory. And, your nod to “Clerks.”
But did that happen? No. Two lines later, someone talks her out of it. She realizes the error of her thinking and I’ll bet, at this point, with only 40ish pages to go, she gets out.
Page…330ish (I know I’m moving backwards here).
Our gunner, the guy that pulled the trigger, on both the prison planet and Alderaan, is about to pull the trigger on Yavin IV. He’s sick to his stomach, (rightfully so) and realizes that “I was just following orders” isn’t going to cut it when the war is over, (no matter who wins). Like I said…one of the best written characters. But we learn something that MAKES NO SENSE. He ruminates on how he wasted the prison planet, okay, no problem, lots of criminals, they were dead already, I get it. But then he thinks about all the imperial’s on the planet. The garrison, the base, the support staff, all were obliterated. What the fuck is that? Why would anyone do that. Waste the planet and kill criminals, I get, but you don’t piss away millions of dollars of training and equipment and lives that are loyally serving your country. Maybe if it’s a shooting war, and someone calls down “danger close, the enemy is under the wire,” I get that. But that wasn’t what was going on here. Stupid. What it says is that Tarkin, all of his officers, and everyone else, is eeevile. (twist your mustache now.) It’s a stupid, and clumsy thing to do, and if you’re an author and want to portray any “realism” to what you’re doing, then that is a detail you don’t want to fuck up so badly. I can swallow almost all of the other crap, but this is the thing that broke me. If this detail had come up fifty pages before, I would have put the book down and stopped reading.
Just awful.
Page 347
From the book:
“A pity he would never write that book. The destruction of the Death Star would have made a powerful final chapter. Ah, well…perhaps someone else would put stylus to screen someday and tell the tale.”
Maybe someone will, but it sure isn’t Michael Reaves and Steve Perry.
Page 349
So there is a battle going outside, the lead commander of the squadron charged with protecting the Death Star (Darth Vader) decides to break off from the attack and chase after a medical shuttle, that may or may not have the appropriate clearance. How many squadrons are there on board? How many? So Vader breaks off, and there’s this moment of “oh no will our heroes escape?” which is quickly moved to “Of course they will, Darth Vader feels a disturbance in the force, and therefore won’t be able to take care of them himself.” Why would he need to? He’s already been destroying most of the rebel fighters, wasted three in the shaft, and then chased after Luke and his buddies. Where do you find the time to go after one errant shuttle?
And lets not mention, yet again, the fact that our heroes are in no mortal danger because we know where all the dangerous pieces are on the board. Why have Darth Vader go after them, when we know he’s tied up elsewhere. It would have been better to have another couple of TIE fighters go after them, then we can see the great flying skills of our defecting pilot. We’re never given that opportunity. In the only fighting engagement we see him in (actually 2 engagements) the targets are sitting ducks, and don’t fight back. But we’re told he’s like the seventh or ninth, or seventeenth best pilot in the galaxy (of some several hundred thousand). But we don’t see any of that. By the way, we’re told of his skills several times, (this is a repeat, of course), and yet again, the authors mess up any chance we have of sitting on the edge of our seats.
These guys…are not good.
Page (The End)
So we’re at the end of the book. Two of our heroes are dead, (I won’t spoil who,) a third who is the disembodied voice we here in the movies that says “Stand by,” and of course Tarkin, Motti, etc.. I’ve never read a book where absolutely nothing happens. I’ve come close, there was a time back when I was in the military, I read a lot of Star Trek novels just to have something to read. They were very iffy, as are most tie-in novel lines. Alien Nation had only a run of six I think, and overall they were the single best line of tie-in novels I’ve ever read. But then again, their numbers were so low, it wasn’t like they had many chances to mess up.
For some reason, before I finished the book (around the very end) I went to Amazon.com to see what others had said. Most people thought it was midland to good. But I did read one poor review that stated, Kevin J. Anderson would be sad to see a character as well written as Admiral Daala so misused,” or words to that effect. Daala was a character in other books? Daala would be Tarkin’s lover. Intrigued, I googled the name and got a link to Wookipedia and looked her name up. I had forgotten that Lucasarts considers all of their books to be cannon, or canonical, as opposed to say, the Star Trek novels were (at least 20 years ago) they were pretty much stand alone enterprises that didn’t necessarily have to worry about the larger continuity. But Lucasarts takes that stuff seriously, and so this “person” existed. Reading her history, I found it funny (and sad) that the authors of Death Star were so pathetic at using her they had to give her amnesia so she wouldn’t remember ANY of what took place in the book Darth Star. Oh, how I envy her.
In conclusion…the true tragedy here is that nothing happens in this book. So much could have happened, but nothing does. There are so many things that could have happened, so many things about the good characters we could have learned about (guard, gunner, pilot), but they come off as little more than plastic pieces so we can watch basically inconsequential things happen. And they are never given anything to do.
I’d like to rationalize that the authors were handcuffed by other circumstances, Lucasarts, editorial, continuity, something. But even if that were true and they weren’t allowed to talk about, say, Tarkin and his life and times, or they weren’t allowed to talk about or show the raid where the rebels got the plans, I could understand that, but their own characters? Their characters were horrid, lifeless things, doing little more than commenting on things we already knew. The tragedy is compounded by the $25.95 cover price ($34.00 for our Canadian cousins). I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone, even if they bought it from the library for .50 cents.
If you want to read a good Star Wars novel, read the novelization of Revenge of the Sith. It does everything this book should have done, made sense of Lucas’ poor storytelling, give compelling back stories to the characters, and even tried to explain away some of the bigger mistakes Lucas made in his hackneyed attempts to tell a story. Sure, you have to get through some pretty turgid prose, but in the end it was worth it.
Unlike Death Star.
By Michael Reaves and Steve Perry.
A Running Review.
I first heard of this book when the Science Fiction Book Club sent me one of their catalogs. I saw the title of the book and thought, “yeah, that might be fun.” At first I was just going to go and buy the book, but it was only in hardcover, and I will only buy hardcover books from one author, Kim Stanley Robinson, and these days, as much as I love his work, I’ve stopped that as well.
So forget buying it. Then I got a gift certificate, and thought, “it won’t really cost me money,” but threw that thought away quickly as well. After all, if it wasn’t a good book then that would sully the gift I was given, so that was out.
Then one day I thought of the library, and yep, they had it. So cool.
Now normally I don’t read tie-in novels. Generally they are not good. When I was a younger man, I read a lot of Star Trek novels; I was in the navy, and they were quick reads. But in the 20 or so that I read, I could only recommend a handful. If you want to read good Star Trek novels, then track down the following.
Strangers from the Sky
Spock’s World
Double Double
Final Frontier
The Final Reflection (By the way, the best of all listed, and the greatest, if not first, treatment of Klingons as a species. Fantastic!)
Dreadnought
All but one of these titles I have remembered from memory, and it’s been almost 20 years (and more than 20 years in some a few cases) since I’ve read these. If you want well written, and entertaining tie-in for Star Trek, these are the ones you want to read.
My main problem with tie-in novels is that they are remarkably unreliable in their entertainment value. Some may be good, while others make you scratch your head and wonder how it was that the person writing the book ever got the assignment.
Generally, tie-in novels have three types of authors:
Typists that really like the “universe,” and gee wiz, just want to be a part of it.
Writers of midland talent that really like the “universe,” and think they have a good story to tell. (These are basically the best of the three types).
Writers of moderate to good talent that are fans of the show, and want to squeeze in every page, every detail of the show, just to prove they’ve watched the show. In doing so, they tend to hold on to the silliest of characters tics, and use them as devices throughout the book. For a great example of this, read Alien Nation: Day of Decent. It’s a prequel to the television series tracking the characters in the weeks and months prior to and just after the newcomer landings in California. Overall, not too bad a book, but the authors took silly things that were probably one-off items by the actors and made them “character traits.” I hate that. This type of author is the worst of the three.
These are generalizations, as there are many shades of gray between them, but in my reading Star Trek, Star Wars, Alien Nation, Executioner, and Destroyer novels, (I know the last 2 aren’t tie-ins, but they are “shared” universes, so close enough), these generalizations hold up.
So, Death Star? What would this be, where would these writers fall in the scale? I didn’t know when I started the book, but by the end of the book, I realized they were a combination of one and three. Not really writers, (more like typists), that watched Star Wars (IV) and/or had a script, but tended to grab all the wrong information and make that wrong information into the character. See below for my own personal gripes, and a few things that I did like.
I thought it would be fun to write down my thoughts as I had them, (what I would call a running review).
Page 160:
Here’s where I started writing, about page 160, and let me share the impressions I have at this juncture.
First, it’s not a good book. Not that it’s not particularly well written, (which it isn’t) but that there seems to be nothing interesting in it.
We’re introduced to several characters.
A bartender and her bouncer
An escaped criminal posing as a contractor
A gunnery CPO (who will fire the weapon)
A stormtrooper (with a philosophical bent)
Governor Tarkin
His Lover
Admiral Motti (Station Commander)
A librarian (or archivist) with no love of “central government” the empire, or his role within it.
A TIE fighter commander.
A conscripted imperial doctor.
A political prisoner / engineer on the Death Star.
But given this, here’s what I hope will happen.
Somehow the librarian will find the plans to the Death Star, the political prisoner / engineer will understand their importance, and somehow use the criminal as a go-between to get the plans off of the station. Somehow or another the bartender and her very intelligent street savvy bouncer, will be instrumental with either getting the plans off the station, or ensuring the rebels will get their hands on it.
Our military folk will have some various roles to play in conjunction with the movie itself. Our Gunner will be pulling the trigger on Alderaan, our TIE fighter will be Vader’s wingman at the end during the battle, maybe even the guy that panics and knocks Vader out of the trench. Or he’ll be one of the fighters taken out by Han and Luke in the escape from the Death Star. The stormtrooper will be killed during Han, Luke, Leia, and Chewie’s escape from the Death Star. I don’t know what they are trying to give us with the doctor, but it’s early.
Here’s what we know about the Death Star. It’s big. Very Big, huge, gigantic, enormous, overwhelming. Big. We’re told this over and over again. Sometimes twice on the same page.
And were told things about the characters that we’ve been told before. The Archivist is “very good” at what he does. The bouncer is some sort of contradiction in appearance and ability, “a big guy that looks like a doofus, but is rather intelligent and savvy.” The stormtrooper is a master at some sort of martial art and doesn’t like to be out of control, and he reads philosophy. The TIE commander is real good. Really very good. Good, can hold his own. Did we mention that he’s good? Pity he’s going to get scragged being Vader’s wingman at the battle for Yavin. The bartender likes “bad boys” and is “looking for love,” blah. The doctor doesn’t want to be in the military, he’s there on a stop/loss program.
The impression we get of Tarkin, who in my opinion should have been the central focus of the book is that he’s simply a mustache twirling villain. It’s as if the writers wrote down every word uttered by Peter Cushing in Star Wars and decided that was all there was to the character. We find that there is a “Tarkin Doctrine.” The Tarkin Doctrine is simple, “Rule by fear!” Or if I may quote:
“How will the emperor maintain order without the bureaucracy?”
“The regional governors now have control of their territories, fear will keep the local systems in line. Fear of the battle station!”
So fear. That’s all that Tarkin has. Oh, and to give him some “humanity” he likes to have sex with a hot female admiral. At Page 160, I’m thinking that somewhere down the line we’re going to find out that he likes kinky sex; you know, something with pain involved, or something.
In the Star Wars Radio Play, I remember Admiral Motti, (station commander) suggesting to Tarkin that they should maybe overthrow the emperor since they had a weapon that could render the imperial capital to dust. I thought it was interesting. The authors do the same thing here as well. Motti is a schemer that wants to be in power. Or at least the man behind the power. It seems that Motti doesn’t understand that he’s basically the number three man out there. But then again, we aren’t given a chance to see any of this.
Tarkin is given the title of Grand Moff. While every character gives deference to this title, and the man, everyone looks at it with contempt. But we are never told (at this point) why everyone thinks the title is silly.
Of the imperial officers (Pilot, stormtrooper, gunner, doctor) we get the “human” face of the empire. Each man is given a very brief backstory that reads (except for the doctor), “He joined the military.” The pilot wastes some escaping prisoners, and has nightmares about it. The stormtrooper is a philosophical type, and rationalizes his duties, but is a loyalist and wants to use his skills in combat to fight the rebels. The doctor joined during the clone wars (20 years ago), and has been conscripted to sticking around because of “the war.” The gunner doesn’t seem to have much of a problem with his service, but is distrustful of engineers. For as little as we’re told about these men, they are the best written characters in the book so far. But that’s not saying much.
The Thief, The Bartender and her Bouncer…who cares. I’m not sure at this point what they have to do with anything. I figured by page 100 that they were the means of getting the Death Star Plans off the station and into the hands of the rebels, but 60 pages later the Archivist finds the plans sitting in some dusty corner of what passes for shared drives on the station, and secrets them away in a special file elsewhere for use to either blackmail or “write a book.” Yes, write a book. So he’s now the first suspect.
There’s also a political prisoner that has been conscripted to work on the Death Star. She’s conveniently putting together rooms, moving things around in plans, and mentions how silly it is to put thermal exhaust ports near main ports. Yes, that’s what she said. She’s anti-Palpatine, but working on the station as slave labor, is better than ending up dead on some prison planet, all because she (and I’m not making this up) “Backed the wrong candidate.” That’s the thing we hear about her over and over again.
At this point, I’m overly disappointed. At first I was thinking of this book as “9/11 allegory,” with the Death Star sitting in for the World Trade Center, but that fell apart soon after that, because the writers weren’t clever enough to pull that off.
What we should have gotten was a historical novel about Tarkin, his rise through the ranks, his loyalty to the emperor, his vision of a more orderly universe, how he picked the men that were with him, (like Motti). Instead we get a top hated man in black that shouts “curses foiled again.”
We have a political prisoner, but get no glimpse into the politics of the empire. There is still a senate, and obviously those that don’t toe the government line are disposed of, and their supporters tossed onto a prison planet where you have no chance for parole. We have several loyalist soldiers and officers with no inkling as to why they are in the military. Not even a “I wanted to see the galaxy,” which is just as good excuse as any.
Oh, and Vader is on board every now and again too. He’s little more than a placeholder who 20 years later is still harboring hatred against Obi-Wan Kenobi. The explanations are about as clear as those that informed the character in “Revenge of the Sith.” So much more could have been done with this. As Lucas really liked the character, he could have so much complexity behind him. But we’re just give, “The pain fed the hatred, and that fed the power of the dark side.”
I always liked to think of Vader as a religious fanatic. “The power to destroy a planet is insignificant compared to the power of the force.” Great line. It reminds me of some of those kooks out there that makes everything about religion, and how the power granted them by god will make all things right. Instead, it’s just “pain leads to suffering, leads to envy, leads to…ah who cares.”
Page 175:
One thing I do like, is that the writers are trying to give the main weapon of the Death Star weight. They mention that it should take x amount of time to fire the weapon from the moment the order is given, and that the gunners chief is putting his men through drills. I like that for a couple of reasons: One, is that its soooo military, and another that it builds into a rationalization as to why it takes so long for the Death Star to fire on Yavin IV when Tarkin gives the order “You may fire when ready.”
Page 177:
Why are the freaking chapters so short? It goes to show that writers these days are more inspired by television or bad film than by well written material. As an example we have a chapter where the thief goes into a bar, meets a good looking girl, and that’s it. That’s all. I understand that this was the “meeting point” for whatever is going to go one for the rest of the novel, but it could have been done all in one chapter along with his arrival at the station, setting himself up in a disguise as a contractor, winning money by gambling and pick pocketing, etc. And we could have learned more about the character. As it is right now, he’s the “hooker with the heart of gold.” For myself, I hope he’s on the damn thing when it goes up!
Why are there aliens in the Imperial Navy? I know that those horrible books by Timothy Zahn had an admiral that was an alien (some blue faced thing)…Admiral Thrawn, which I thought was ludicrous back then. Reeves and Perry continue the tradition. I’m not saying that it isn’t possible, but if you go by the movies there isn’t an alien to be found in the ranks of the navy or army. If the empire was all about “order” and “sameness” then you could think of them as the Nazi’s against all other, and the aliens that permeated the ranks of the Rebel Alliance as the “jews” or “Americans”, etc. Which was an association I really liked, so much so, that were I writing one of these books, there would be no aliens in the Imperial Military.
If you read the novelization of Revenge of the Sith, and once you get by the turgid, purple prose, the author gave Count Dooku a fantastic backstory where he was basically a bigot! Didn’t like aliens at all, thought they were worthless. That made a good amount of sense. Sure he worked with alien species, but as a Sith Lord, knew the full story, that they were just the fodder in the cannon in order to bring a new order, a HUMAN order to the universe. Which fell into line with episodes IV, V, VI. Humans = Imperial, Aliens = dog faced underdogs, and other oppressed peoples; blacks, jews, asians, gypsies, eskimos, etc..
Between page 199 and 207
I’m no architect and I know nothing about it, but it seems to me almost impossible that one could change the plans of something so large, massive and complex as the Death Star without fouling up a lot of stuff. Moving heat exchangers, conduits, air processor; doesn’t that stuff affect other things on the station? Playing with tinker toys, legos, and Lincoln logs in my youth, I came to realize that when I was in the middle of a project and wanted to either add or subtract something, that tended to change EVERYTHING. Maybe it’s a quibble.
I know it’s ironic that I am repeating myself about the authors repeating themselves all throughout the book, but it seems that every three pages we’re reminded there’s a war on. And I don’t remember the crawl exactly from Star Wars but If I remember right, the Rebels had been around and “Won their first victory over the evil galactic empire.” Given that in this book they wasted one star destroyer through sabotage, I would have to say that was a rather substantial victory.
There are 2 characters that seem to have Jedi-like powers. One, the architect/political prisoner keeps Darth Vader out of her head. Phuleezz! And a stormtrooper/security guard, has a thing called a “blink,” basically he can see things just before they happen, making him the Bruce Lee of the universe. I was displeased with these things, but hey, it is the Star Wars universe, I might as well be mad at Tolkien for having annoying elves in the Lord of the Rings. But GOD DAMN George Lucas for Midi-Chlorians!
If you need no other proof that George Lucas didn’t bother to watch his own movies before he set out with the prequels, Midi-Chlorians are it! Ben Kenobi says to Luke, “The force is what gives a Jedi his power, it’s an energy field created by all living things, it surrounds us, penetrates us, it binds the galaxy together.” Hey, not bad, all from memory. I need a life!
Then Yoda, in The Empire Strikes Back says (and I’m going to paraphrase this), “The force is everywhere, between the tree and the rock, you and me, even between the land and the ship. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter!” All this tells me that the force is something that can be manipulated, provided you study enough, (a zen like thing) and are attuned toward the cosmos, (a possible spiritual thing – not “possible” really, but actually a spiritual thing). And then George brings us the little things that are in our cells that help us listen to the force. Sigh. Now being a Jedi isn’t something that can be achieved through discipline, or spirituality, but it’s a literal physical thing. Luminous indeed. (I believe it was David Brin, complaining about Star Wars, that said “Heroes are apparently born, not made.” I agree with him. Stupid stupid stupid.)
Oh…and there’s a war on.
Another thing I hate is that this is a Battle Station. A BATTLE STATION. But the authors are treating it as though it’s a military complex (like the Pentagon, or a naval base, or other military base.) Which would be populated by civilians and set up for the comfort of those that inhabit it. For instance, there are pubs. On a base, yes, I get it, but again, BATTLE STATION. Our thief, seeing a guard he knows, ducks into a Fredrick’s of Hollywood to escape attention. Okay, it wasn’t Fredrick’s of Hollywood…call it Vonflesh’s of Acronor, I don’t know. It just seems kind of silly to have a lingerie shop on a BATTLE STATION.
Also, in six movies, I don’t think I ever saw one female serving officer. The Empire seemed a bit boys-clubish. I’ve already said that I don’t believe aliens should have been allowed, (as we never saw any – except of course for Bounty Hunters in Empire, and let’s face it, Bounty Hunters are pretty much scum. That makes sense for the Empire. Scum get to do the dirty work). I don’t recall any females either. So, call me sexist, but none at all. That’s not to say it isn’t possible, but I find it silly that the authors decided to place 21st century Terran mores in the empire, which seemed to me pretty cut and dried. Don’t believe me? See any female clones? Hear any female storm troopers? I think there was one rebel pilot in Return of the Jedi, that was female if memory serves. Again, we have proof of the “oppressed” against the great machine.
There’s also a “park” on level 9. A Park. If you can’t picture it already, yes, I’m shaking my head. I understand the need for living breathing plants to be on board, it certainly would help with scrubbing carbon dioxide, but they made specific mention that it was a park. I would think a farm would be better for a battle station, but again, the authors are treating this as less a battle station as a moving base. Okay, it’s a quibble, but still, it’s valid, I think.
Page 270ish
In Star Wars (IV) we are given the impression that the rebels, while apparently influential politically, were pretty much a small band of folk. When Leia gets to Yavin IV, and they decide to attack the Death Star, they only send 30 X and Y wings, and the rest of the command structure of the alliance stayed on the moon, though devastation was only minutes away. So it was the David vs. Goliath, thousands against few. It gave us something to believe in; the underdog against the authoritarian. And when the rebels won, they all cheered and celebrated. And though at the very end, we saw several hundred men (all uniformed) watching Luke and Han get their medals, we got a small taste of the scale of the alliance.
But somewhere between page 200 and 270, we are treated to “the first attack” on the Death Star, which consists of a Federation Carrier, and 1000 X-Wings. One Thousand. More than 30 times the amount of fighters the rebels throw at the battle station in the movie. And, by the way, without any kind of plan. They launch and do a massive assault that is stopped dead by one firing of the superlaser, and then several thousand TIE fighters clean up the mess. The Rebel pilots, so desperate to throw themselves at the station, don’t even fight back, and as a result, they are wiped out to a man.
So? You ask. Well, consider this line from the movie. And I’ll quote it verbatim, because the book gives us this exact quote:
General Tagge: “Until this battle station is fully operational, we are vunerable. The Rebel Alliance is too well equipped. They are more dangerous than you realize.”
Admiral Motti: “Dangerous to your star fleet, Commander, not to this battle station.
Now, in the movie, this exchange is about…oh a couple of seconds. And in the book it’s still a couple of seconds, but in between is this little ditty, that I will quote sparingly:
‘Motti could have point out that the vaunted Rebel Alliance had sent a huge carrier against the station and that unfortunate vessel had been blown out of existence by a single, low powered pulse of the not yet fully operational Death Star’s main battery…’
This is one of those moments when you realize the authors…well, they’re not good. After my ellipse, we are treated to yet another quick recap of the specifics of the scene, how far away the ship was, and then what happened right after that. All this by the way, took place only about 10 pages before. But again, the authors (I can’t believe it took two people to write this) repeat themselves yet again, forcing me to repeat that they’ve repeated themselves.
So this is yet another one of those things where the authors ignore the standing convention, or try to force their square pegs into triangular holes.
On a different note, the doctor character keeps thinking of a Jedi from days past named Barris Offee. I’ve heard/seen the name around – clone wars Jedi or something. The characters interactions with the Jedi are given fewer lines in the book than it takes for this paragraph. And I couldn’t help but wonder why even mention her at all? And it struck me today, when reading the dust cover…these two guys wrote a book(s?) about battle medics in the Clone Wars. This guy was probably one of their favorite characters and they are trying to tie in their novels with this. Not a very good try, as this book barely passes inspection. I have no confidence to read anything more from them.
Also, Tarkin’s lover. She’s shuffled off stage with an injury. Never (probably) to be heard from again, since by this time in the book, the princess is in custody, the Imperial Senate has been dissolved, etc. Only about 45 minutes to go before the Death Star is blown up…uh…more or less. But the point here is, nothing is really made of it. She comes into the story, to show that Tarkin is really a “man” because he likes sex with younger women. Hey who doesn’t? That hardly makes him sympathetic. Here’s what could have made him more sympathetic. Imagine, that for at least the past 200 pages he was set to be the governor of this obviously awesomely destructive weapon. As one character had thought, “They will never use it…maybe blow up a small moon to demonstrate, and that will be it. No one would dare…blah.” So imagine, Tarkin was like the Oppenheimer of this project. He knows what it can do, and the very theory of it not only excites him but frightens him. “Fear will keep the local systems in line…fear of this battle station.” Yes, he thinks, fear. Blow up a small moon with the media there, and all to see, and we will never have problems again. Make Tarkin reluctant to use it. Make him fully understand that he wields power that maybe shouldn’t be used. I’m sure there was much trepidation in the White House and Kermlin during the cold war with M.A.D. As President Merkin Muffley says in Dr. Strangelove, “I will not go down in history as the biggest mass murderer since Hitler.”
Think of Tarkin, standing there on the bridge watching this “First” assault on his station. “They can’t succeed,” he would think to himself. “But I will never use this weapon arbitrarily. I don’t want to be known as the biggest mass murder since General Grievous.” I’m sure Grievous’ reputation in the galaxy is that of Hitler’s here on Earth. So Tarkin doesn’t want to use it. Then his lover is injured…nay, killed, that is even better, during this first assault. Then when Vader tells him, “Her restistance to the mind probe is considerable, it will be some time before we can extract any information from her,” when talking about Leia. Tarkin then says in the movie, “Perhaps she will react to an alternate form of persuasion, set your course for Alderaan.”
Now, Tarkin is thinking to himself. “I didn’t want to use this, but (insert lover’s name here, as I don’t want to look it up), is dead, and I loved her more than life. This insurrection, this rebellion, this war, it will all be over. One, perhaps two swift strokes and all this war…all this death will be over.” Now it would make him a bit more sympathetic; a man driven to the point of using a weapon of such destructive power, instead of a monster.
I mean, sure, if you wanted to write something good. If you wanted to show characters that are human, and perhaps questioning their roles in the Empire, and the use of force, and war. You could do all of that. It you told a different story. Instead we get a lot of placeholders that have little motivation than to “put a human face” on the Empire, guys and gals that 270 pages in, are likely to be dead when Luke does his thing, and good riddance to them. I have no emotional investment in them.
So Tarkin’s lover is brought on stage, then given nothing to do, shuffled off, like a cameo appearance in a film. …Grand Moff Tarkin’s lover is played by Julia Roberts… She walks on, gives her three lines and then moves off. Julia Roberts fans, that have shelled out money to see this movie are angry, “They didn’t give her anything to do!” They rail. “She contributed nothing to the story,” they say again and again. And that’s pretty much Grand Moff Tarkin’s lover, ladies and gentlemen.
Other characters, the bartender, the thief, her bouncer and the librarian, are not even remotely involved in anything other than parroting information we already know. I figured, hey, these are the people that will sneak plans of the station, or something, but no joy. The librarian downloaded the plans for his “book” and the rebels broke into that computer and sole them. We are, by the way, not even given a scene where the librarian is told that his stuff had been broken into. Especially after we were treated to at least one, if not two paragraphs on how good a encrypter/stealthy manipulator, he is. No… from the time he sends the plans to the planet, to the moment the Death Star destroys the prison planet they are orbiting, we hear nothing from him. Once the Death Star destroys the planet (it takes three shots…reminding me of Mr. Owl. “Mr. Owl, how many shots does it take to get to the center of a prison planet?” “A one…a two…a three. A three.”) we are treated to him in a cantina, sucking down a drink thinking how insane it is to use the weapon, then the chapter ends.
To be frank, when they mentioned his name, I actually had to go to the front of the book, where the Dramatis Personae were listed and find his name on the list. It had been that long since we last heard from him.
Page 294
And it was here that it hit me. Have you ever seen the original 1954 Godzilla movie? The one with Raymond Burr? If you didn’t already know, what they did was take the original Japanese film, and then inserted Raymond Burr and a Japanese actor in with him to “translate” what was going on. Burr had no interaction with the actual cast, though they did do a moderately convincing job of having him interact with a character or two. When you’re 8 years old, you don’t see the seams, but when you’re 40, they scream out at you. That’s exactly what this is. Our guard character, Nova Stihl is the guard outside of Tarkin and Vader’s conference room when they’re talking about how Leia lied to them. And it is here, where our character (probably the best one) decides that when his tour is up, he’s leaving. Destroying Alderaan was the straw that broke his particular back. And my picture of the man changed from whatever he looked like in my head, to a young Raymond Burr.
Page 296
Far too late in my opinion, they have their archivist character, disgusted by the destruction of Alderaan, begin looking for weaknesses in the battle station design. By the way, all of the “made up” characters are disgusted, disturbed, or confused about their feelings when it comes to this particular atrocity. Meanwhile, Luke, Han, and Chewbacca are running amok on the station.
Page 303
How convenient that every “made up” character happen to gather in the cantina at the same time. All rather cheesed off at Tarkin for killing a few billion people for no discernable reason. How convenient that they all want out at the same time. Pilot, guard, (who by the way is “force sensitive” ugh!), bouncer, thief, archivist, bartender…all want out. The only one missing is the guy that pulled the trigger, and he’s suffering from a crisis of conscience too (he’s the second best character in the book – again, not saying much, but I’m trying to find positives here). How convenient, that the archivist happens to have all the codes to take a shuttle, turn off all the tractor beams, grant the access so they aren’t blown out of the sky, blah blah blah.
Page 316
If there weren’t 46 pages to go, I’d stop. Let me just say, that given where I’m pretty sure the book is going from this point…all the made up characters are going to get off the station, all will survive, save for the gunner, who will in all likelihood be vaporized with Tarkin, Motti, and the rest. None, and I mean NONE of the made up characters have contributed to the story in any fashion. Not. At. All. Had I known this, I would have just watched Star Wars (IV) over again. For myself, I hope they all vaporize with the Death Star, but I doubt that. It would have been better had my original suspicions been confirmed about the role these people would have played. But…oh well.
330ish
I was thinking – In the movie, Tarkin and Vader have a relationship of some sort. First with Tarkin’s insistence that Vader “release him (Motti).” It was an order. “As you wish,” which I don’t think means “I love you,” (for you farm boy lovers out there), didn’t exactly show deference or respect, but if you’re Darth Vader, why take orders from Tarkin? Because the Emperor said so? Maybe. But then we’re treated to this little ditty. “Governer Tarkin,” Princess Leia greets, “I should have expected it was you holding Vader’s leash. I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.” So that, in my opinion, gives us a little more information into the characters and their lives. Obviously Leia knows this man, that much is evident. I like to think of political dinners given at the capital, Tarkin spouting off against everything Leia holds dear. Maybe he’s seen action and was in charge of something like a My Lai Massacre or something. Abu Gharaib, maybe. I like the idea that they had a social life of some sort. He’s “holding” Vader, and that means power. Maybe this guy outranks Vader? Even if Vader isn’t in the military. But then we get this. “He is here,” Vader says. “Obi-wan Kenobi? Surly, you’re mistaken?” Now that tells you something. If for no other reason, the emphasis on HE. It’s a simple declarative statement, and Tarkin knew exactly what Vader was talking about. It bring up visions of Vader and Tarkin, talking to one another, maybe over “drinks.”
But here’s what rubs my rhubarb raw. Throughout the book, Tarkin and Vader are professionally acquainted. There are a couple of times where there seems to be some question as to whether or not Vader is/was a Jedi. Tarkin, (if I remember correctly) seems to know that he’s Anakin Skywalker. Okay, no problem, but there’s still the whole questioning of The Force in Tarkin’s mind, and… a lot of other stuff that just doesn’t make sense that when Vader says “HE” is here, that Tarkin would know right off the top of his head that HE is Obi-Wan Kenobi. So again, compelling story elements either totally ignored, or forgotten, or it’s more like, that the writers just aren’t clever.
Page 339
The “great escape” is happening. I’m sure everyone will get off the station in time. Funny, how the architect, a political prisoner, suddenly becomes “attached” to the Death Star when she realizes exactly what the Rebels are going to do. I liked that her first instinct was to tell someone about the vulnerability. I thought of Alec Guiness in Bridge Over the River Kwai, when he tries to stop the sabotage of his bridge, only to realize, far too late, what he had been doing. I thought, “Yes!” this is that moment. She’ll try and tell everyone. In a few pages someone will come up to Tarkin and say “We’ve analyzed their attack, and there is a danger, should I have your ship standing by?”
“Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.”
Then…the architect says to herself. “Fuck this, I’m out of here,” at just about the time the ghost of Ben Kenobi says, “Luke, trust your feelings.”
Three minutes later, while enroute, our architect; no friend of the Empire, not a sympathizer, appalled at the destruction of Alderaan, but attached to the station, and the friends and people she worked with is vaporized. There’s your 9/11 allegory. And, your nod to “Clerks.”
But did that happen? No. Two lines later, someone talks her out of it. She realizes the error of her thinking and I’ll bet, at this point, with only 40ish pages to go, she gets out.
Page…330ish (I know I’m moving backwards here).
Our gunner, the guy that pulled the trigger, on both the prison planet and Alderaan, is about to pull the trigger on Yavin IV. He’s sick to his stomach, (rightfully so) and realizes that “I was just following orders” isn’t going to cut it when the war is over, (no matter who wins). Like I said…one of the best written characters. But we learn something that MAKES NO SENSE. He ruminates on how he wasted the prison planet, okay, no problem, lots of criminals, they were dead already, I get it. But then he thinks about all the imperial’s on the planet. The garrison, the base, the support staff, all were obliterated. What the fuck is that? Why would anyone do that. Waste the planet and kill criminals, I get, but you don’t piss away millions of dollars of training and equipment and lives that are loyally serving your country. Maybe if it’s a shooting war, and someone calls down “danger close, the enemy is under the wire,” I get that. But that wasn’t what was going on here. Stupid. What it says is that Tarkin, all of his officers, and everyone else, is eeevile. (twist your mustache now.) It’s a stupid, and clumsy thing to do, and if you’re an author and want to portray any “realism” to what you’re doing, then that is a detail you don’t want to fuck up so badly. I can swallow almost all of the other crap, but this is the thing that broke me. If this detail had come up fifty pages before, I would have put the book down and stopped reading.
Just awful.
Page 347
From the book:
“A pity he would never write that book. The destruction of the Death Star would have made a powerful final chapter. Ah, well…perhaps someone else would put stylus to screen someday and tell the tale.”
Maybe someone will, but it sure isn’t Michael Reaves and Steve Perry.
Page 349
So there is a battle going outside, the lead commander of the squadron charged with protecting the Death Star (Darth Vader) decides to break off from the attack and chase after a medical shuttle, that may or may not have the appropriate clearance. How many squadrons are there on board? How many? So Vader breaks off, and there’s this moment of “oh no will our heroes escape?” which is quickly moved to “Of course they will, Darth Vader feels a disturbance in the force, and therefore won’t be able to take care of them himself.” Why would he need to? He’s already been destroying most of the rebel fighters, wasted three in the shaft, and then chased after Luke and his buddies. Where do you find the time to go after one errant shuttle?
And lets not mention, yet again, the fact that our heroes are in no mortal danger because we know where all the dangerous pieces are on the board. Why have Darth Vader go after them, when we know he’s tied up elsewhere. It would have been better to have another couple of TIE fighters go after them, then we can see the great flying skills of our defecting pilot. We’re never given that opportunity. In the only fighting engagement we see him in (actually 2 engagements) the targets are sitting ducks, and don’t fight back. But we’re told he’s like the seventh or ninth, or seventeenth best pilot in the galaxy (of some several hundred thousand). But we don’t see any of that. By the way, we’re told of his skills several times, (this is a repeat, of course), and yet again, the authors mess up any chance we have of sitting on the edge of our seats.
These guys…are not good.
Page (The End)
So we’re at the end of the book. Two of our heroes are dead, (I won’t spoil who,) a third who is the disembodied voice we here in the movies that says “Stand by,” and of course Tarkin, Motti, etc.. I’ve never read a book where absolutely nothing happens. I’ve come close, there was a time back when I was in the military, I read a lot of Star Trek novels just to have something to read. They were very iffy, as are most tie-in novel lines. Alien Nation had only a run of six I think, and overall they were the single best line of tie-in novels I’ve ever read. But then again, their numbers were so low, it wasn’t like they had many chances to mess up.
For some reason, before I finished the book (around the very end) I went to Amazon.com to see what others had said. Most people thought it was midland to good. But I did read one poor review that stated, Kevin J. Anderson would be sad to see a character as well written as Admiral Daala so misused,” or words to that effect. Daala was a character in other books? Daala would be Tarkin’s lover. Intrigued, I googled the name and got a link to Wookipedia and looked her name up. I had forgotten that Lucasarts considers all of their books to be cannon, or canonical, as opposed to say, the Star Trek novels were (at least 20 years ago) they were pretty much stand alone enterprises that didn’t necessarily have to worry about the larger continuity. But Lucasarts takes that stuff seriously, and so this “person” existed. Reading her history, I found it funny (and sad) that the authors of Death Star were so pathetic at using her they had to give her amnesia so she wouldn’t remember ANY of what took place in the book Darth Star. Oh, how I envy her.
In conclusion…the true tragedy here is that nothing happens in this book. So much could have happened, but nothing does. There are so many things that could have happened, so many things about the good characters we could have learned about (guard, gunner, pilot), but they come off as little more than plastic pieces so we can watch basically inconsequential things happen. And they are never given anything to do.
I’d like to rationalize that the authors were handcuffed by other circumstances, Lucasarts, editorial, continuity, something. But even if that were true and they weren’t allowed to talk about, say, Tarkin and his life and times, or they weren’t allowed to talk about or show the raid where the rebels got the plans, I could understand that, but their own characters? Their characters were horrid, lifeless things, doing little more than commenting on things we already knew. The tragedy is compounded by the $25.95 cover price ($34.00 for our Canadian cousins). I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone, even if they bought it from the library for .50 cents.
If you want to read a good Star Wars novel, read the novelization of Revenge of the Sith. It does everything this book should have done, made sense of Lucas’ poor storytelling, give compelling back stories to the characters, and even tried to explain away some of the bigger mistakes Lucas made in his hackneyed attempts to tell a story. Sure, you have to get through some pretty turgid prose, but in the end it was worth it.
Unlike Death Star.
Monday, June 23, 2008
The End is Nigh. Thank the Gods and then Sigh.
I’m trying to puzzle out some things regarding Battlestar Galactica. It was one of my all time favorite shows…ever. It started out quite well, with the episode 33, and proceeded to move on from there up to the middle part of the second season addressing many of the issues I thought made compelling television.
But now it’s gotten to be like a book you’ve read and enjoyed, and then about three quarters of the way through, stopped making sense. But you’re committed to finishing it even though you have…what a hundred pages to go? Then as you finish a few pages you check again…crap, 90 pages to go. Will this ever end?
Somewhere it went wrong. Maybe not WRONG, but it started to fall into the whole “Kara Thrace has a destiny,” and the Cylons seem very attuned to the “otherworldliness” of the universe, which quite frankly seems to me…kinda stupid.
What I’m really tired of is that the show itself, doesn’t follow it’s own logical progression. At times it wants to be a political allegory for the world after 9/11, and other times, it wants to be a good sci-fi show. The problem is, neither tends to work well together.
To wit:
Why would you use suicide bombers to kill an enemy that can’t be killed?
Colonel Tigh said once, “I’ve sent men on suicide missions in two wars…” Okay, that makes sense, but in the first war, the Cylons were “mortal.” You could maybe win through attitrition. The “second war,” when you send men to their deaths it’s to protect the precious cargo you’ve been entrusted with. You know, what’s left of humanity.
When you’re stuck on a planet, and you’re occupied, you don’t take some of your best people (I’m thinking “Duck” was probably a good pilot) and then toss them on the pyre to make a statement. Sure, as an allegory it works…you get to put the “good guys” in the position of our current real world bad guys, all to say basically that “everyone has their own grudges, and those grudges might be justified.”
Very liberal. Thank you, I didn’t realize that. Oh and by the way, it makes no sense to throw good people at an enemy that CAN’T BE KILLED!
Take the most recent silliness. In this first half of the 4th season, the single best (if not the only) episode was The Hub. The Hub had a great space battle, and with the possible pending death/murder of Gaius Baltar, it carried with it an emotional center that made me think, “Cool, he’s going to die. Things are going to change.” But he didn’t. More’s the pity.
But here’s what I think is dumb. Why would a race of robots, built on redundancy after redundancy, centralize the most important of all their machines: Their resurrection hub? “Destroy it, and all Cylons become mortal.” That’s what they said. For one minute, I thought, “Cool!” then it hit me. “So what?”
Cylons are machines. If the Hub is destroyed, then what do you think the Cavel’s do? They sit back and say, “They destroyed our hub, we can’t resurrect. Let’s back off, rebuild the technology, and then we can resurrect again.” The Cavel’s apparently are the engineers of the group, to them it’s all a matter of engineering. During the standoff on the algae planet Cavel stated, “So what! Let’s blow them out of the sky, then we can look for the Eye of Jupiter forever and a day. We’re machines. It doesn’t matter if we get to Earth in five years of five hundred years.”
And so, I see that happening as well with regards to the hub.
“The hub’s been destroyed.”
“Okay, let’s find an asteroid belt, set up, rebuild, then move on.”
“What about the humans? What if they come after us?”
“Fuck ‘em. They won’t. They’ll think they’ve won some great victory, but we’ll find them eventually, and we’ll take care of them then. We’ll finish them off, like we should have back during the initial attack. All this procreation, and believing in God and destiny is actually beneath us. Fuck ‘em.”
After all, the Cylons looking for Earth was dumb enough. Didn’t they have their own planet? I mean, they had to come from somewhere? Why give up a home planet of some sort, destroy the colonies, and then take off. I don’t think there has ever been an actual explanation. “The Cylon’s have a plan,” we’re told, and so far, the only plan I’ve seen is to impregnate women. When I saw that I thought, Mars Needs Women, and laughed. It’s all very sad.
The 4th season to me seems to be a mish mash. They’re trying to tie up all the loose threads before the end, but for me personally, I’ve almost given up. Kara Thrace and her destiny, was never, and I mean never, something that interested me. Cylons attuned to the voice of god, (or even believing in a god)…never cared much for that either. The final five…I hated that from the very first time they brought it up and Six said, “We don’t talk about them.” They found Earth, and it’s destruction was the best part of season. I only hope that it isn’t a parallel planet and that they finally find Earth and live happily ever after with their now mortal Cylon buddies.
I think in the end, the writers (Ron Moore specifically) started to believe too much of the hype. Once it goes from a good show to “The best show on television,” and there are articles written about it in the mainstream media talking about how topical it is, the creative staff has a choice to either, keep writing a show and making it as good as can be, or become topical and “cutting edge,” and “allegorical.” Somewhere in it all, they swallowed their own cool aid, and quite frankly, we’re all suffering for it.
10 episodes.
8 hours or so.
Then it’s over.
Thank the gods.
Sigh.
But now it’s gotten to be like a book you’ve read and enjoyed, and then about three quarters of the way through, stopped making sense. But you’re committed to finishing it even though you have…what a hundred pages to go? Then as you finish a few pages you check again…crap, 90 pages to go. Will this ever end?
Somewhere it went wrong. Maybe not WRONG, but it started to fall into the whole “Kara Thrace has a destiny,” and the Cylons seem very attuned to the “otherworldliness” of the universe, which quite frankly seems to me…kinda stupid.
What I’m really tired of is that the show itself, doesn’t follow it’s own logical progression. At times it wants to be a political allegory for the world after 9/11, and other times, it wants to be a good sci-fi show. The problem is, neither tends to work well together.
To wit:
Why would you use suicide bombers to kill an enemy that can’t be killed?
Colonel Tigh said once, “I’ve sent men on suicide missions in two wars…” Okay, that makes sense, but in the first war, the Cylons were “mortal.” You could maybe win through attitrition. The “second war,” when you send men to their deaths it’s to protect the precious cargo you’ve been entrusted with. You know, what’s left of humanity.
When you’re stuck on a planet, and you’re occupied, you don’t take some of your best people (I’m thinking “Duck” was probably a good pilot) and then toss them on the pyre to make a statement. Sure, as an allegory it works…you get to put the “good guys” in the position of our current real world bad guys, all to say basically that “everyone has their own grudges, and those grudges might be justified.”
Very liberal. Thank you, I didn’t realize that. Oh and by the way, it makes no sense to throw good people at an enemy that CAN’T BE KILLED!
Take the most recent silliness. In this first half of the 4th season, the single best (if not the only) episode was The Hub. The Hub had a great space battle, and with the possible pending death/murder of Gaius Baltar, it carried with it an emotional center that made me think, “Cool, he’s going to die. Things are going to change.” But he didn’t. More’s the pity.
But here’s what I think is dumb. Why would a race of robots, built on redundancy after redundancy, centralize the most important of all their machines: Their resurrection hub? “Destroy it, and all Cylons become mortal.” That’s what they said. For one minute, I thought, “Cool!” then it hit me. “So what?”
Cylons are machines. If the Hub is destroyed, then what do you think the Cavel’s do? They sit back and say, “They destroyed our hub, we can’t resurrect. Let’s back off, rebuild the technology, and then we can resurrect again.” The Cavel’s apparently are the engineers of the group, to them it’s all a matter of engineering. During the standoff on the algae planet Cavel stated, “So what! Let’s blow them out of the sky, then we can look for the Eye of Jupiter forever and a day. We’re machines. It doesn’t matter if we get to Earth in five years of five hundred years.”
And so, I see that happening as well with regards to the hub.
“The hub’s been destroyed.”
“Okay, let’s find an asteroid belt, set up, rebuild, then move on.”
“What about the humans? What if they come after us?”
“Fuck ‘em. They won’t. They’ll think they’ve won some great victory, but we’ll find them eventually, and we’ll take care of them then. We’ll finish them off, like we should have back during the initial attack. All this procreation, and believing in God and destiny is actually beneath us. Fuck ‘em.”
After all, the Cylons looking for Earth was dumb enough. Didn’t they have their own planet? I mean, they had to come from somewhere? Why give up a home planet of some sort, destroy the colonies, and then take off. I don’t think there has ever been an actual explanation. “The Cylon’s have a plan,” we’re told, and so far, the only plan I’ve seen is to impregnate women. When I saw that I thought, Mars Needs Women, and laughed. It’s all very sad.
The 4th season to me seems to be a mish mash. They’re trying to tie up all the loose threads before the end, but for me personally, I’ve almost given up. Kara Thrace and her destiny, was never, and I mean never, something that interested me. Cylons attuned to the voice of god, (or even believing in a god)…never cared much for that either. The final five…I hated that from the very first time they brought it up and Six said, “We don’t talk about them.” They found Earth, and it’s destruction was the best part of season. I only hope that it isn’t a parallel planet and that they finally find Earth and live happily ever after with their now mortal Cylon buddies.
I think in the end, the writers (Ron Moore specifically) started to believe too much of the hype. Once it goes from a good show to “The best show on television,” and there are articles written about it in the mainstream media talking about how topical it is, the creative staff has a choice to either, keep writing a show and making it as good as can be, or become topical and “cutting edge,” and “allegorical.” Somewhere in it all, they swallowed their own cool aid, and quite frankly, we’re all suffering for it.
10 episodes.
8 hours or so.
Then it’s over.
Thank the gods.
Sigh.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Oh Indy, Where are ye?
So I’ve just seen Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crystal Skulls. I’m pretty sure that’s what it’s called, because quite frankly it was as forgettable as something that might have ended up on Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Guy Fleegman, in Galaxy Quest asked a question, "Did you guys even watch the show?” That’s what I’d like to ask George Lucas and Steven Spielberg. “Have you even seen the last three Indiana Jones movies?” For George I know what his answer would be, “Uh…no not really. Haven’t seen them in a while. Are they any good?” Plus we already know that when he did the Star Wars prequels, that he didn’t bother to watch the three he already produced. But that’s another entry.
Steven on the other hand might have said, “Yes, and I’ll tell you, I really loved Temple of Doom. So much, I think I’ll do it again.”
I can only shake my head.
Now, I liked Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. I think I’m only one of about five people that liked it. But I find it hard to understand how people could have said they didn’t like Temple of Doom, but this was acceptable as movies go.
And if you haven’t seen it, SPOILER ALERT, I’m going to talk about some of the movie here, and I don’t know how much I may reveal, so you can either stop reading now, watch the movie and come back if you care, or you can read what I have to say, make your own judgment and we can discuss.
The sadness started from the very beginning. The entire Area 51 thing seemed silly to me. The Russians are after the alien bodies from the Roswell crash. Uh…(shake of the head). When they opened up the warehouse for the first time and we see the stacks of crates my thought was, “Great, they want the Ark of the Covenant! Nice way to start. Indy will thwart them in some manner and then we will get on with the rest of the film. Nice.”
See, I had seen the other films, and at the beginning of each of them there was a throwaway plot. Indy gets the Incan idol with a narrow escape, only to have it snatched away from Belloq. An exciting and fun beginning that had no connection with the rest of the film save to introduce our hero and his nemesis. Then, there was the Temple of Doom; Indy delivers the ashes of some emperor from antiquity for a diamond of some sort, poison, shots, a riot, hilarity ensues, then he ends up in India for the rest of the movie. Then we had Last Crusade, where we see a young Indiana Jones going for some artifact, to have it taken away from him (see the pattern here?) then a flash forward to him getting it back. Mission accomplished, we move on with the rest of the movie.
But not here. No, here we get tossed right at the beginning of the plot, and the thing the Russians are after, (alien crap – no less) is integral to the rest of the movie.
Having lost something (again, but he didn’t even know what it was he lost), he wanders into the only good joke of the film, a small fake town that is about to be destroyed in a nuclear test. How does he survive, when the entire town is obliterated? He gets into a lead lined refrigerator, which miraculously gets blown upward, outward an he still gets out safely. As far as I was concerned he died at that moment. And when I got to the end of the movie, I was positive that he was dying in that fridge, and this was the final gasps of consciousness from a dying man.
Fans might say, “Well, he’s survived other dangerous things, like the icy seas of the Pacific strapped to the periscope of a German sub,” or “He jumped out of an airplane with a rubber raft,” or “He escaped from a burning building, a collapsing building, etc. etc.” I agree with all that. But even for all that, his escapes were, or seemed, grounded in a realism, a plausibility that made you laugh, maybe slap your head and guffaw. It was fun. With this, he magically gets thrown over and survives, when a car with a couple of American servicemen is engulfed in the shockwave and are killed.
That’s pretty much the beginning. And it’s all downhill from there.
The sad thing is, they make no bones at all about the alien connection here. They could have, say, not shown us that the crate was from Roswell. Not given us the scene with Special Agent in Charge Jan Itor, where Indy then tells us things about crashes, odd metal, funny little bodies and all. When they see a representation of a crystal skull, the audience isn’t shocked or surprised, we already know…it’s an alien skull they’re after. When we see the real crystal skull, it looks like it was an H.R. Giger throwaway.
The rest of the movie was basically one big chase, and not even a good one at that. More on that in a minute.
The thing missing the most? The heart. That’s what was missing the most. In the three previous movies there was always a moment that was touching in some manner. Marion and Indy on the ship, Indy and Willie trying to get ready to bed one another, Indy and his father on airship, “Well what do you want to talk about?” Those are just the ones I remember without going back to the movies.
Discovery was missing too. As I said above, the filmmakers make no bones about what they want you to know, and the actors are pretty much right there too. There was no “discovery moment” like Indy in the map room, with the great music and that smile on his face when he has the correct location of the Well of Souls, or when he sees the stone things in Temple of Doom, or when they find the grail in “Crusade.” The movie was a simple A, B, C, story, and when we see Marion for the first time…everyone’s reaction was almost like, “Hey, haven’t seen you for a few days, how did that ice cream social you went to last week go?” No surprise, no warmth.
We find that Indiana is a father. Which is funny because I read one review that said, “They hint at Shai Laboof, (I know that isn’t how to spell his name. He doesn’t really warrant my caring enough to research the real spelling) is his son. I had a buddy at work who said the same thing, “They hint,” he said. Hint? Hint? Here’s the hint:
“Indy, he’s your son.”
“What?”
“He’s your son. His name is Henry Jones III.”
It wasn’t a wonder he looked puzzled. I didn’t get the hint either. A friend had to explain it to me after the movie when I said, “Were they trying to tell us that Marion and Indy had a kid?”
If you couldn’t hear me jesting there…never mind.
But his reaction? She may as well have said, “Indy, I can’t remember, do you like butter on your toast, or margarine?”
In Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn, Kirk, played by a wholly inferior actor to Harrison Ford, displays far more emotional depth when he sees the son he hasn’t seen in…ever. “My god, Carol, is that David?” Was one short line, and in that we all went, CRAP that’s his kid!
“Butter, honey. I like butter on my toast.”
Pretty much all it was.
Time magazine mentioned in the only review of the movie I read, that there was this spectacular chase scene in trucks that “rivaled the exciting action from the first movie.” I Beg to differ. For one, it seemed longer than that truck chase, and it was all green screen with some of the worst effects I’ve ever seen. I know special effects can do things that were impossible back in the day, but part of the greatness of the last three Indiana Jones movies was the stunt work. You could feel the danger, feel the punches, the crunching fenders, and when blood hit the camera, it was not computer generated, it was something hitting the camera. It all felt genuine.
This chase was an impossible fight straddling two cars that would have felt right at home in a super hero movie. Really…if Shy Laboof, Lepoof,? Whatever his name was, and Cate Blanchett were wearing tights, then maybe the fight would have been better, because we all know that super heroes can defy physics because that’s what their powers help them to do. And here’s another thing about the fight. I’m a guy, and I have a set of balls like many other guys in the world. If a stiff wind hits our balls the wrong way, our voice goes up an octave or two and we all…and I mean all of us, double over in pain. Apparently Shay, She, Shed (?) has no balls, because he’s straddling two jeeps, and he’s hit several times by branches smack dab in his genital area. This, by the way, isn’t an insult to the actor, but really, to the director and the shameful producer. But I suppose when you are as powerful as Lucas and Spielberg no one is going to tell you what to do.
And that’s the saddest thing about it all. These guys are rich enough, powerful enough, and one would think, have enough talent to put out a good movie. Instead, all of it reeked, and I do mean REEKED of “let’s make money.”
I got free tickets to see any movie I wanted, and I used it on this film, and quite frankly was ripped off. Again. Free Tickets. Ripped Off.
There was a story, a long time ago, that went like this.
Harrison Ford starred in some movies that were not very good, or very well received. Mosquito Coast, Frantic, Working Girl, Presumed innocent, Regarding Henry, all pretty much failures (regardless of whether or not he was good, they were still failures). He picked up the phone to his agent and said, “I don’t care what you have to do, get me an action film.” See, I think the guy knew, instinctively, that he was really just an “action star,” and that was his thing.
The agent came back with Patriot Games. Alec Baldwin made a mistake, “You can’t make these Tom Clancy movies without me. I created Jack Ryan.” His mistake revived Ford’s career for a time. The Fugitive, Clear and Present Danger, Air Force One, all movies that were fair to middling. But he understood.
Of course it was all downhill after those things. Six Days, Seven Nights, did anyone other than Ellen DeGeneres see that movie? (and I can’t believe I just looked up how to spell her name. I can’t stand her – so I guess that means, I must respect her more than Shane Lebuffy). What Lies Beneath? K-19? Firewall? I’m a Harrison Ford fan, and I only saw K-19, and to tell the truth because it had both Harrison Ford and Liam Neeson. It wasn’t good either.
So when I heard they were going to make another Indiana Jones movie, I thought, “Yes, Harrison Ford wants to come back, but c’mon, he’s 60ish.”
When I heard they were going to keep it in “real time,” meaning they were going to age him appropriately, I thought, “Cool, maybe they aren’t just in it for the cash. Maybe they’ll make a good film.”
It’s been out 2 weeks. Sex in the City beat it out this week. A larger insult I can’t think of. My friend that went with me was shocked that there were only about 12 people (Saturday Night) in the theater. That included us. 12 people. Again, with the shake of the head.
The movie went on. I had hoped to see Roy Neary somewhere, but alas it wasn’t to be.
The movie concludes, and we are treated to a “revelation.” Aliens were collectors, “Archeologists,” Indy says, with pride in his voice. Then a flying saucer takes off at some point, killing a bunch of bad guys, and Cate Blancett, first with fire, then by destroying her body, much like all of the bad guys in the last three Indy movies.
During the escape, I swear it looked like they were walking, when they should have been running. Maybe they were all tired. Shai, was the only one under the age of fifty, and really, two of the other four were over 60, leaving Marion (who’s real name I can’t remember at this time…Karen Allen, it just came to me, Karen Allen was her name), somewhere between fifty and sixty. Yeah, they were walking, I’m sure.
That was another thing. There were no consequences this time. In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indy gets into a spectacular fight, then chase, then fight and chase, and at the end of it all, he can barely walk. Sallah hugs him and he winces, Marion tries to clean him up and he’s stiff and can barely walk. There are small scenes in the other two movies like this as well. What does Dr. Jones give us at the end of this? “You don’t want to walk in the forest at night, boy.” He’s not sore, or bothered at all.
I was. Bothered and Sore.
Oh Indy. I’d say come back, but to use a refrain artists don’t like to hear, “I liked your earlier stuff more.”
0043 EDT
Guy Fleegman, in Galaxy Quest asked a question, "Did you guys even watch the show?” That’s what I’d like to ask George Lucas and Steven Spielberg. “Have you even seen the last three Indiana Jones movies?” For George I know what his answer would be, “Uh…no not really. Haven’t seen them in a while. Are they any good?” Plus we already know that when he did the Star Wars prequels, that he didn’t bother to watch the three he already produced. But that’s another entry.
Steven on the other hand might have said, “Yes, and I’ll tell you, I really loved Temple of Doom. So much, I think I’ll do it again.”
I can only shake my head.
Now, I liked Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. I think I’m only one of about five people that liked it. But I find it hard to understand how people could have said they didn’t like Temple of Doom, but this was acceptable as movies go.
And if you haven’t seen it, SPOILER ALERT, I’m going to talk about some of the movie here, and I don’t know how much I may reveal, so you can either stop reading now, watch the movie and come back if you care, or you can read what I have to say, make your own judgment and we can discuss.
The sadness started from the very beginning. The entire Area 51 thing seemed silly to me. The Russians are after the alien bodies from the Roswell crash. Uh…(shake of the head). When they opened up the warehouse for the first time and we see the stacks of crates my thought was, “Great, they want the Ark of the Covenant! Nice way to start. Indy will thwart them in some manner and then we will get on with the rest of the film. Nice.”
See, I had seen the other films, and at the beginning of each of them there was a throwaway plot. Indy gets the Incan idol with a narrow escape, only to have it snatched away from Belloq. An exciting and fun beginning that had no connection with the rest of the film save to introduce our hero and his nemesis. Then, there was the Temple of Doom; Indy delivers the ashes of some emperor from antiquity for a diamond of some sort, poison, shots, a riot, hilarity ensues, then he ends up in India for the rest of the movie. Then we had Last Crusade, where we see a young Indiana Jones going for some artifact, to have it taken away from him (see the pattern here?) then a flash forward to him getting it back. Mission accomplished, we move on with the rest of the movie.
But not here. No, here we get tossed right at the beginning of the plot, and the thing the Russians are after, (alien crap – no less) is integral to the rest of the movie.
Having lost something (again, but he didn’t even know what it was he lost), he wanders into the only good joke of the film, a small fake town that is about to be destroyed in a nuclear test. How does he survive, when the entire town is obliterated? He gets into a lead lined refrigerator, which miraculously gets blown upward, outward an he still gets out safely. As far as I was concerned he died at that moment. And when I got to the end of the movie, I was positive that he was dying in that fridge, and this was the final gasps of consciousness from a dying man.
Fans might say, “Well, he’s survived other dangerous things, like the icy seas of the Pacific strapped to the periscope of a German sub,” or “He jumped out of an airplane with a rubber raft,” or “He escaped from a burning building, a collapsing building, etc. etc.” I agree with all that. But even for all that, his escapes were, or seemed, grounded in a realism, a plausibility that made you laugh, maybe slap your head and guffaw. It was fun. With this, he magically gets thrown over and survives, when a car with a couple of American servicemen is engulfed in the shockwave and are killed.
That’s pretty much the beginning. And it’s all downhill from there.
The sad thing is, they make no bones at all about the alien connection here. They could have, say, not shown us that the crate was from Roswell. Not given us the scene with Special Agent in Charge Jan Itor, where Indy then tells us things about crashes, odd metal, funny little bodies and all. When they see a representation of a crystal skull, the audience isn’t shocked or surprised, we already know…it’s an alien skull they’re after. When we see the real crystal skull, it looks like it was an H.R. Giger throwaway.
The rest of the movie was basically one big chase, and not even a good one at that. More on that in a minute.
The thing missing the most? The heart. That’s what was missing the most. In the three previous movies there was always a moment that was touching in some manner. Marion and Indy on the ship, Indy and Willie trying to get ready to bed one another, Indy and his father on airship, “Well what do you want to talk about?” Those are just the ones I remember without going back to the movies.
Discovery was missing too. As I said above, the filmmakers make no bones about what they want you to know, and the actors are pretty much right there too. There was no “discovery moment” like Indy in the map room, with the great music and that smile on his face when he has the correct location of the Well of Souls, or when he sees the stone things in Temple of Doom, or when they find the grail in “Crusade.” The movie was a simple A, B, C, story, and when we see Marion for the first time…everyone’s reaction was almost like, “Hey, haven’t seen you for a few days, how did that ice cream social you went to last week go?” No surprise, no warmth.
We find that Indiana is a father. Which is funny because I read one review that said, “They hint at Shai Laboof, (I know that isn’t how to spell his name. He doesn’t really warrant my caring enough to research the real spelling) is his son. I had a buddy at work who said the same thing, “They hint,” he said. Hint? Hint? Here’s the hint:
“Indy, he’s your son.”
“What?”
“He’s your son. His name is Henry Jones III.”
It wasn’t a wonder he looked puzzled. I didn’t get the hint either. A friend had to explain it to me after the movie when I said, “Were they trying to tell us that Marion and Indy had a kid?”
If you couldn’t hear me jesting there…never mind.
But his reaction? She may as well have said, “Indy, I can’t remember, do you like butter on your toast, or margarine?”
In Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn, Kirk, played by a wholly inferior actor to Harrison Ford, displays far more emotional depth when he sees the son he hasn’t seen in…ever. “My god, Carol, is that David?” Was one short line, and in that we all went, CRAP that’s his kid!
“Butter, honey. I like butter on my toast.”
Pretty much all it was.
Time magazine mentioned in the only review of the movie I read, that there was this spectacular chase scene in trucks that “rivaled the exciting action from the first movie.” I Beg to differ. For one, it seemed longer than that truck chase, and it was all green screen with some of the worst effects I’ve ever seen. I know special effects can do things that were impossible back in the day, but part of the greatness of the last three Indiana Jones movies was the stunt work. You could feel the danger, feel the punches, the crunching fenders, and when blood hit the camera, it was not computer generated, it was something hitting the camera. It all felt genuine.
This chase was an impossible fight straddling two cars that would have felt right at home in a super hero movie. Really…if Shy Laboof, Lepoof,? Whatever his name was, and Cate Blanchett were wearing tights, then maybe the fight would have been better, because we all know that super heroes can defy physics because that’s what their powers help them to do. And here’s another thing about the fight. I’m a guy, and I have a set of balls like many other guys in the world. If a stiff wind hits our balls the wrong way, our voice goes up an octave or two and we all…and I mean all of us, double over in pain. Apparently Shay, She, Shed (?) has no balls, because he’s straddling two jeeps, and he’s hit several times by branches smack dab in his genital area. This, by the way, isn’t an insult to the actor, but really, to the director and the shameful producer. But I suppose when you are as powerful as Lucas and Spielberg no one is going to tell you what to do.
And that’s the saddest thing about it all. These guys are rich enough, powerful enough, and one would think, have enough talent to put out a good movie. Instead, all of it reeked, and I do mean REEKED of “let’s make money.”
I got free tickets to see any movie I wanted, and I used it on this film, and quite frankly was ripped off. Again. Free Tickets. Ripped Off.
There was a story, a long time ago, that went like this.
Harrison Ford starred in some movies that were not very good, or very well received. Mosquito Coast, Frantic, Working Girl, Presumed innocent, Regarding Henry, all pretty much failures (regardless of whether or not he was good, they were still failures). He picked up the phone to his agent and said, “I don’t care what you have to do, get me an action film.” See, I think the guy knew, instinctively, that he was really just an “action star,” and that was his thing.
The agent came back with Patriot Games. Alec Baldwin made a mistake, “You can’t make these Tom Clancy movies without me. I created Jack Ryan.” His mistake revived Ford’s career for a time. The Fugitive, Clear and Present Danger, Air Force One, all movies that were fair to middling. But he understood.
Of course it was all downhill after those things. Six Days, Seven Nights, did anyone other than Ellen DeGeneres see that movie? (and I can’t believe I just looked up how to spell her name. I can’t stand her – so I guess that means, I must respect her more than Shane Lebuffy). What Lies Beneath? K-19? Firewall? I’m a Harrison Ford fan, and I only saw K-19, and to tell the truth because it had both Harrison Ford and Liam Neeson. It wasn’t good either.
So when I heard they were going to make another Indiana Jones movie, I thought, “Yes, Harrison Ford wants to come back, but c’mon, he’s 60ish.”
When I heard they were going to keep it in “real time,” meaning they were going to age him appropriately, I thought, “Cool, maybe they aren’t just in it for the cash. Maybe they’ll make a good film.”
It’s been out 2 weeks. Sex in the City beat it out this week. A larger insult I can’t think of. My friend that went with me was shocked that there were only about 12 people (Saturday Night) in the theater. That included us. 12 people. Again, with the shake of the head.
The movie went on. I had hoped to see Roy Neary somewhere, but alas it wasn’t to be.
The movie concludes, and we are treated to a “revelation.” Aliens were collectors, “Archeologists,” Indy says, with pride in his voice. Then a flying saucer takes off at some point, killing a bunch of bad guys, and Cate Blancett, first with fire, then by destroying her body, much like all of the bad guys in the last three Indy movies.
During the escape, I swear it looked like they were walking, when they should have been running. Maybe they were all tired. Shai, was the only one under the age of fifty, and really, two of the other four were over 60, leaving Marion (who’s real name I can’t remember at this time…Karen Allen, it just came to me, Karen Allen was her name), somewhere between fifty and sixty. Yeah, they were walking, I’m sure.
That was another thing. There were no consequences this time. In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indy gets into a spectacular fight, then chase, then fight and chase, and at the end of it all, he can barely walk. Sallah hugs him and he winces, Marion tries to clean him up and he’s stiff and can barely walk. There are small scenes in the other two movies like this as well. What does Dr. Jones give us at the end of this? “You don’t want to walk in the forest at night, boy.” He’s not sore, or bothered at all.
I was. Bothered and Sore.
Oh Indy. I’d say come back, but to use a refrain artists don’t like to hear, “I liked your earlier stuff more.”
0043 EDT
Saturday, May 31, 2008
First Post
Midnight, May 31, 2008. This is my first post and it's a test at that. I don't have an idea as to when I'm going to begin in ernest. Sometime next week probably. I realize this is lame. Stay tuned, it'll get better.
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